Waiting
by ksm013
Summary: Niouxoc. "It's not about who you loved first but who you loved most." I have always been waiting, waiting that someday he'll feel the same way about me.


'_He said to wait for 3 years, I waited for 5 years. I waited because I love him. I waited for 5 long years only to find out one night that he's getting married. Aren't I blessed…'_

"Masaharu! You bastard!!!" I talked to myself by the river where we used to meet and threw away the locket that he gave me. "Making me wait for 5 years only to tell me you're getting married…bastard." I talked to myself more, helplessly, (knowing that nobody's listening) as I choke up in my tears. What was he thinking, making me wait for more than what he promised? I turned down every man just for him (not that anyone actually confessed), and yet he never even had the time to tell me not to wait anymore.

"_Yuki-chan! I missed you!!" _

_I was over-joyed…no, I was overwhelmed when I heard his voice on the phone. For years I have waited to hear that voice. The voice that calms me down, the voice that keeps me alive. _

"_Masaharu-kun! How are you? I missed you too. How long has it been? I never thought you'd remember me." Tears were forming in my eyes while I was talking to him._

"_Who would forget you? So how's life? Are you in a relationship or something? I'm pretty sure you are. Haha…" I wanted to tell him that I was waiting for him all along but that wouldn't sound right._

"_Actually, no. Would you believe that? You're awesome best friend doesn't have a boyfriend." I joked around a little just to lighten up the mood._

"_Cute as ever Yuki-chan. So listen…are you busy this Saturday?" My heart started to pound wildly…will he ask me out? Will he finally accept me as more than a friend? I was hoping so…but some times my expectations never matches reality, they're all just dreams, dreams that are gone when you wake up. _

"_I really want you to come to my engagement party. So PLEASE come!!!!" Everything in the world came crashing down on me just because of that. Every reason that I was living was gone…just gone. I was…I am his best friend that's why "Yeah. Sure I'll come. Wouldn't miss it for the world." _

That's why I am here today talking to my self feeling like the worst woman a man can ever have. Feeling like not a single man wants me. Here I am asking the most common question a heart-broken woman can ask…"What did she have that I don't? Why did he choose her and not me? WHY?!?" Right now I didn't care if anybody actually saw me talking to myself. Nobody in the right mind would dare mind me in this state. But seriously, Why her? I was with him through the years. Middle school, High school, heck even elementary school. I knew about his first heart break, I knew about his favorite cartoon character, I knew about his dreams in life, I knew about…about everything, even his favorite dog's name. What does she know?

I waited for him…he made me wait. He said he'll come back and I was stupid enough to believe it. I always knew I was stupid but not this dumb.

Was I never good enough for him? I didn't know but I'm determined to find out.

Before I knew it Saturday came…

"Yuki-chan! I knew you'd be here." My best friend greeted me as I entered his warm home. I saw his family again. Of course I saw his wife to be. I winced as I saw the girl. I was no match for her, she's just gorgeous. Is this why Masaharu fell for her. "It's nice to finally meet you. Masaharu has been talking about you a lot lately." I greeted her bitterly as I shook her hand. To be honest I didn't want to meet her, but I'm pretty sure she didn't want this as much as I do.

Everything went smoothly during the party. I met all of Masaharu's newly acquired friends through the years. It made me realize how much I have missed in his life.

I was invited to their wedding, I wasn't surprised, but I had to make a stupid excuse to miss it. I didn't want to cause a scene in their wedding. It's too much to handle. Call me dramatic and all but I know if you were me you would do the same thing. It's not like if I proclaim my love to him in the middle of the ceremony he will jump into my arms and proclaim that he loved for years now. I didn't think that that would happen. I choose not to believe what movies show. There is a good reason why those scenes are only seen in the movies.

It's been months now since the wedding I haven't even greeted him 'congratulations' or some 'good luck'…no, I've been too bitter for that. I have been lying on the clean sheets of grass by "the river" again reminiscing the good old days…I feel old. I remember when he would hold my hands telling me it's going to be okay. The days when he would bug me to go to one of his games. The day when he would give me notes in Math and I'll give him notes in English. Of course I'll never forget the day when he asked me out. He was my first…and only. Then the day came when he told me that he has to leave, fulfill his dreams and he asked me to wait for him. Those days that I waited for him…THOSE WASTED DAYS!!!

I started to sob when I remember those things. "MASAHARU!!!! YOU—" To my surprise somebody answered back. "Hey Yuki, Why are you shouting my name, you're embarrassing me." I heard him joke around.

"Do you remember this place Yuki-chan?"

"Of course, how could I forget? We always hang out here right. This is our place." I gave him a toothy grin, trying so hard to smile for him. He looks so happy, I didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Congratulations, Masaharu-kun…Mr. Masaharu Niou. You've entered the most awaited stage of life." It was saying those words but I guess it was all worth it to see him smile like there's no tomorrow.

"Thanks. I know, it feels so good actually. I mean, someone's always there for you. Someone's always there to listen to your problems. It feels good to be loved. I haven't felt this alive before." I was always there for him; I was always there…just waiting. Maybe I haven't done enough to be with him. Maybe that was it.

"You know I have to be honest. I always thought marriage is the last legal form of slavery. I never realized that it was the only way to make you free until now. Funny…I never thought I'd be this emotional." I thought so too.

"I'll see you around Yuki-chan. My wife must be worried sick. Take care of yourself." He bid me good-bye but there was still something I haven't asked.

"Masaharu…" I called out his name as he was walking away from me…again.

"What is it Yuki-chan?"

"Why her?" I asked him feeling desperate.

"Wasn't I good enough?" My face was glistening when tears started flowing down my face.

"Why her? Yuki-chan…don't do this to me. Ok, I'll just say it. I love you Yuki-chan…as a best friend. I didn't want to ruin that. I needed you more as a best friend not as a lover. Of all people I know you'll understand that. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you already did…" I whispered more to myself.

"Wasn't I first? You loved me first Masaharu. You made me wait and I did. Wasn't that enough?" I really wanted to know why.

"It's not about who you loved first. It's about who you loved more, Yuki. I hope you understand that. Now please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry." He wiped the tears that flowed on my cheeks as I lean my head against his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" That was all I could do as I finally accepted that he's not mine to hold…he never was.

I congratulated him again before he left and off I went to find my true meaning of my life.

_I came to the realization that if we were really meant to be (as what people would say) I wouldn't have had to wait for him. I would have done all the things that I can to be with him. I wouldn't be in that much of a sorrow. I was the one who chose to lament on all those things. I came to realize that there's always something planned for us, we just choose to not follow it. God has greater plans for me…being with him is just not part of it._

_-Owari-_

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_A/N: I guess that's it. I made this fic on the computer so it's done fast. I didn't want to write it on paper THEN type it. It will take too long. Anyways...I hope you liked it.  
_


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